


just crash

by cluffords



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 16x18, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, oh possible triggering in a later chapter, still shit at tags but here we go, which means lots of awkward moments :-))))
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4140444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cluffords/pseuds/cluffords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton opened the note immediately, pulling himself off his desk and settling into the one next to Luke, passing him back the note.</p><p>well welcome to hell, im ash :)</p><p> </p><p>or luke and ashton become friends when both end up in detention for stupid reasons</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wow okay i' m excited about this really :-))) this is probably the longest thing i've ever written and i'm so glad that it's finally done and that i'm happy with it
> 
> it'a gonna be 3 chapters and an epilogue, and around 20k-ish so :-))))
> 
> i'll probably post like the next chapter within a week and then another week for the next so yeah :-)))
> 
> uhm the title is basically crash by you me at six ~~even though i know that is a larry song whatever~~ bc ive been listening to that song nonstop for a while now :-)))

History class was the last way Luke wanted to start his school day, but there he was, pushing through a throng of students to get inside the doorway before he was carried off. _Fucking vultures_ , he thought to himself as he made his way to his seat in the back of the classroom. The desks on either side of his were still empty-Michael and Calum were usually late to first period on the account that Michael took hours to get ready, resulting in Calum never being picked up on time. They'd probably stumble in just before the bell rang, earning a death glare from their teacher, Mr. Magill

Nothing was new, and that's what Luke hated. School was always a nuisance to him because it was the same thing, same schedule, same people, same lessons day after day. How did teachers expect him to show any excitement for school when there was nothing worthy of being excited _for_? He'd rather be in front of a new audience each day, playing guitar for thousands of people, doing something he actually enjoyed.

But, for now, he'd have to suffer another two and a half years, just until he graduated.

Bored, Luke pulled out his phone, opening Twitter to scroll through his feed. Most of it was garbage and drama from students at his school, but occasionally there would be a tweet from one of the bands he follows, or a funny picture that he couldn't help but retweet. 

He was going through All Time Low's links to songs on their newest album when the tardy bell rang, followed by Michael and Calum rushing inside the door, barely scraping in. Mr. Magill rolled his eyes, standing up from behind his desk to move behind the podium at the front of the classroom as the two took their seats on either side of Luke. His best friends were quietly discussing something in hushed tones and quit when they approached Luke.

"Alright, class," Mr. Magill started, "Most of you finished yesterday's assignment so we'll be moving on today. Get out your notes, or do nothing if you'd rather fail."

Luke's teacher was so laid back in a I-Don't-Really-Care-What-You-Do-As-Long-As-You-Aren't-In-My-Class-Next-Year way. It was amazing that teachers could show little excitement, and then get upset at students when _they_ don't show enthusiasm. Sighing, Luke searched through his battered backpack for his equally battered notebook. Scraping his hand along the bottom of his bag, he searched for some kind of writing device, but turned up empty-handed. He'd been in school for 11 and a half years, and Luke was still unable to keep track of a single pencil or even a pen.

He turned to Michael, who was running his fingers through his hair to flatten down the frizz and clearly not going to attempt taking notes, and asked, "Hey, dude, do you have a pencil or something?"

When Michael opened his mouth to respond, a different voice came out: Mr. Magill's, saying, "Hemmings was that you? Would you like to do notes in the detention room?"

Luke tried to hide the warmth flooding into his cheek as the class all looked back at him, some snickering quietly. "I didn't even-"

"I don't recall asking for your excuse. Please take your things to the detention room." Luke stared at his history teacher in disbelief. "You won't need an escort, right? I'm sure you're quite acquainted with that particular room." Mr. Magill turned away, focusing back on the SmartBoard as the class laughed louder. He looked back up after a minute, squinting towards Luke's direction. "Mr. Hemmings, do I need to ask you again?"

Muttering curses under his breath, Luke put his notebook back in his backpack and stood up. As he walked down the room of desks, somebody stuck their foot out, an instant obstacle Luke was too late to avoid. He went down to his knees with another curse, sticking his hands out. The class burst into laughter as Luke's face grew even more red. Not daring to look back at his assholes of best friends, Luke stared at his feet until he was out the door.

So, maybe, Mr. Magill was right when he said that Luke knew his way to the detention room, but that didn't mean he had accepted getting sent there when he did one little thing. Ever since his freshman year, he'd had a reputation for spending at least one class period in detention nearly every other day; he wasn't even sure why if he was honest. All the teachers just assumed he was a trouble-maker because he didn't do sports and didn't show any enthusiasm when it came to things like homework. How was that his fault?

Luke figured he could just not go to the detention room, but knowing his mum would be called if he skipped was enough to make him trudge through the empty hallways. Of course, the detention room was on the entire other side of the fucking school which means he'd have to walk all the way-

"Luke Hemmings, shouldn't you be in class?" a voice spoke from behind him.

Turning, Luke watched as his english teacher Mr. Dirks, who he wholly believed was out to get him every day, walked briskly over to him. "I was just-"

"Don't give me some excuse, Mr. Hemmings," he said, crossing his arms and glaring at Luke. He wanted to throw his hands and call bullshit because honestly what did he do? Nobody was even giving him a chance to explain! "Where is your pass?"

"I'm just on my way-"

"If you don't have a pass, I'm going to have to inform the office of this offense. Now, do you or don't you have a pass?"

This was ridiculous; what had he done to deserve this from _two_ teachers? "No, Mr. Dirks, I don't have a pass because-"

"There's no time for excuses right now, Mr. Hemmings. Get back to class while I go to the office."

Luke stated at Mr. Dirks for a minute before turning away and continuing on his familiar journey to the detention room-obviously he wasn't going to go back to Mr. Magill's room-rolling his eyes as he listened to his english teacher's shoes click down the tiles. 

Without another obstacle, he finally made it to the detention room, pushing open the door with a sigh. Stepping inside the pathetically lit classroom, Luke was only able to spot one person: the supervisor, a woman Luke had never really bothered to learn the name of. (He was usually in a sour mood when he got sent to the detention room, okay, so it's not like being social was high on his priority list.) She was sitting at her desk, a magazine raised to cover 2/3 of her face, her manicured feet propped up on her desk.

Not lowering the magazine, she said, "Sign in. Sit down. Don't talk." Luke walked to her desk and scribbled his name on the sign in sheet.

He sat down at a desk halfway to the back of the rows, dropping his backpack and getting ready to take a nap the rest of the class period when a balled up piece of paper landed right on his desk, nearly scaring the shit out of him. His head jerked up, looking around until he realized that _of course_ , somebody was sitting on top of a desk in the very back corner, leaning back against the wall with a cool smile. Luke hadn't even seen him before now and he tried-

 _Oh, shit. Why is_ he _here?_ Luke's breath caught in his throat because smiling at him from under his curly hair was Ashton Irwin, arguably the school's most popular and loved person to ever exist. Everybody at school knew him, and anybody who said they didn't at some point wish he was their best friend was a complete liar. The older boy made it so easy to be around by being so nice and sunshine-y and just all around an amazing person.

Luke, of course, had never stopped paying attention to the older boy since he first saw him his freshman year, when Ashton had been a returning junior; the only problem was that he'd never actually spoken to Ashton. Like, at all. It was plain pathetic.

Ashton uncrossed his legs, spreading them across the back of the desk in front of him, leaning back on his hands as he met Luke's eyes. The younger boy felt heat rising quickly into his face, knowing he was turning that embarrassing shade of red he hated. Ashton nodded towards Luke, which reminded him that oh, yeah he has a note from him.

He unrolled the paper, cringing at how much noise the rustling paper made, and searched across the page for the small note scrawled in the corner of the page.

**howd you get in??**

Luke, after picking up a discarded pencil off the ground, wrote back, balling the paper back up and throwing it to the boy.

_Magill went psycho on me for asking my friend for a pencil_

Ashton opened the note immediately, pulling himself off his desk and settling into the one next to Luke, passing him back the note.

**well welcome to hell, im ash :)**

Ash? Smiley face? Did these have deeper meanings that Luke didn't have enough (or any...) experience in flirting to understand properly what they meant? Should he write back using a smiley face, too? Would that be weird? His smiley faces always looked so deformed, though so Ashton probably wouldn't even understand what it was. Why was this such a fucking difficult decision for him? Was he freaking out about this for absolutely no reason?

_im luke :)_

The note landed back on his desk a second later, sending a nervous thrill through Luke's stomach.

**well luke + smiley face i dont believe ive ever seen you in here before??**

Which is true. None of the other times Luke had taken a nap during first period detention ever included Ashton sitting at one of the desks.

_im usually only in here 1st 3rd or 8th period_

Luke kind of sighed in content, just like the little school-girl with a crush he was, as he watched Ashton concentrating on writing, jarring himself out of it when he looked back up to pass the note to him.

**that must be why, im only in here during this class because Crafton was mad today for some reason**

_how did you get Crafton upset shes literally the nicest person to live_

**shes only nice to the smart kids :/ dont tell me youre one of those boy geniuses who does dumb shit bc its ‘cool’ ???**

_haha no im only good at math and thats why she likes me_

**quick how do i find the focus of an ellipse**

_c²= a² - b² when c is the focus_

**looks like Crafton isn't teaching me enough bc i have no idea what any that means**

_i didnt know that you get detention a lot_

**all my teachers get annoyed with me bc people are always trying to talk to me idk man its fucking dumb :(**

_none of it is your fault??_

**well i wouldnt say that :) i usually dont do any homework and skip class a lot**

_really? ashton irwin skips class? this is such a shock i thought you were a goodie-too-shoes_

**haha ya everyone thinks im this super good kid who saves puppies and reads to orphans on my spare time but im just a normal guy**

_god help those puppies that you couldnt save bc you were too busy being ‘a normal guy’_

**i for one think that passing econ takes priorities over puppies but thats just me**

_cant wait for graduation?_

**one of these days im going to freak out about just one more semester but not today**

_what happens if you freak out_ during graduation _and you like pass out while walking up stage_

**dont say that!! now itll happen!!**

_make sure you record it_

**:((**

_im kidding_

**:)) meanie**

_wanna hear a really good joke ?_

**i could go for a joke right now**

_what do you call a fake noodle_

**luke hemmings ?**

_no (but ouch that hurts)_

**idk**

_an impasta_

**....**

_what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches_

**a fish ???**

_youre not good at these_

**sue me**

_ill get right on that_

**wait whats the answer**

_a nervous wreck_

**how and why do you know these ??**

_what word is always spelled wrong in the dictionary_

**~~neccesary~~ ~~neccessary~~ necessary**

_wrong_

**~~peice~~ piece**

_no the answer is wrong ash_

When Ashton opened Luke’s last reply, he stared at it a moment and giggled too loud, resulting in the supervisor to drop her magazine to glare at the two of them. “No talking,” she said before returning to her magazine.

The note, now a mess of rips, scrawl and crumples, landed on Luke’s desk again despite the warning.

**shes such a bitch i swear**

Luke breathed out through his nose, not wanting to end the conversation with Ashton, but also knowing he couldn’t afford to get in more trouble.

_dude i already have detention for this week i dont want more  
dont reply_

Ashton opened the note and his face immediately fell, which made Luke instantly feel guilty for being the cause. He put his head down to forget about Ashton, but then he felt fingers pushing under his elbow. Picking his head up, he saw the note, and the older boy smiling wide at him. Luke shook his head and slid the note to the edge of his desk, aiming to put his head down again when another note fell into Luke’s hand. He didn’t even bother reading it; he just threw it back onto Ashton’s desk.

The older boy stood up, returning a minute later with his backpack in hand. Luke watched as he pulled out a notebook, turning to a blank page. Figuring the guy had finally understood what he was saying, Luke folded his arms and laid his forehead against his arms. He was ready to sleep the rest of class away when fingers wiggled past the space between his arms and his head, dropping a note into the empty space on the desk. Luke turned his head to the side to glare at Ashton, who smiled in return and nodded his head towards the note on his desk. The younger boy lifted his arms enough to push the note off the edge of his desk and onto the floor. Ashton frowned, looking down at the note, and turned back to his notebook to start scribbling away furiously.

This time, Ashton balled up the note and threw it right at Luke, who had been watching him. Ashton's eyes followed the taller boy as he picked up his backpack and moved over a row and back a few desks. The older boy waited a minute, watching Luke watching Ashton, before weaving through the maze of desks and sitting down in the one next to Luke. 

_This is getting weird_ , he thought to himself as he once again changed to a farther away seat. He glared back at Ashton, silently daring him to follow him again; but the boy stayed seated, instead focusing back on his paper. Luke watched as he wrote a quick note on the paper before ripping it out and beginning to fold it. A minute later, Ashton turned towards Luke and threw the note, folded in a paper airplane, at him. Missing Luke by a large margin, Ashton went back to his notebook.

Luke, once again, tried to start his nap on his desk as he listened to the sounds of Ashton writing, Ashton tearing out a paper, Ashton folding the paper, Ashton breathing, Ashton sighing, Ashton _being in the same room as him and trying to throw a fucking paper airplane at him_.

Most of the airplanes either crashed before they reached Luke or veered off in an awkward direction, littering the floor with Ashton’s failures. After several attempts, one finally hit him in the ear, and he raised his head to look at Ashton when another note landed right across his desk. On the outside Ashton’s normally girlish handwriting was messy because he had used all caps.

**_LETS FUCK RIGHT NOW !!!!_ **

“What the hell?” Luke asked, staring at Ashton, who in turn just shrugged and smiled.

The supervisor set her magazine down loudly. “How many times to I have to say no talking? And pick up that trash!” Her gaze was directed at Luke, which didn’t make any sense because why would Luke surround himself with paper airplanes, like, obviously somebody else, _like Ashton_ , had probably thrown them at him. Muttering quiet curses, he pulled himself out of his seat and moved around his desk area to pick up all of Ashton’s dumb notes.

 _What am I supposed to do with these_ , he thought to himself. He didn’t really want to throw them all away (mostly because he was curious what other weird stuff Ashton had written on them), but when he looked at the older boy, he was busy writing something on his notebook, his pen swirling across the paper, oblivious to Luke. If he didn’t care, then neither did Luke. He carried the balls of paper and paper airplanes over to the trashcan by the door, letting them fall in and pile to the top. 

He sat back down at his seat, finally being able to take a nap for a few minutes before the end of class bell rang. The supervisor, not lowering her magazine, called out, “Leave.”

Luke didn’t hesitate, quickly picked up his backpack and made his way to the door. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Ashton scrambling to gather his array of papers back into his backpack. The best option for Luke was to just ignore him, don’t give Ashton any more than he needs. He turned away, walking down the quick filling hallway, only to run into Michael and Calum, laughing at something. They both stared at him for a second before Michael asked, “How was detention?”

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” he answered, rolling his eyes as he fell in line next to Calum. “Thanks for sticking up for me back in class, assholes.”

“Hey, you know he already hates us. Defending you-”

Luke lost focus of whatever Calum was saying when a shoulder roughly brushed past him, jostling him forward a little. Ashton Irwin, smirking over his shoulder, gave Luke a small wave before turning down a branching hallway.

“Was that Ashton?” Calum asked quietly, staring at Luke.

On the other side of the darker boy, Michael scoffed loudly. “Yeah, sorry we didn’t prevent you from hooking up with Ashton _fucking_ Irwin.”

“We didn’t _hook up_. He was in detention, I was in detention. That’s all.”

“Sounds like the beginning of a really cheesy rom com, if you ask me,” Michael said, stopping at his locker to open it. The other two boys waited for him, continuing on after the red-haired boy had exchanged a history textbook for a spanish one. “Did you guys fuck?”

“Michael, have I ever told you how much I hate you?” He paused, about to switch hallways to get to chemistry. Calum and Michael hesitated, shrugged their shoulders, and kept walking towards the spanish room.

“ _Damnit_ ” Luke whispered to himself as Ashton’s face popped back into his mind after he arrived at his class. He tried to force the picture away, but the dumbass kept laughing and smiling and being _fucking adorable_. He stopped at the door to his classroom, thought for a second, and then turned to quickly run back towards the detention room. Students gave him the customary glares you give somebody who was pushing through the halls as he rushed towards the detention room. He dropped his backpack, shoved his hands into the trashcan, and pulled all the notes onto the floor. Glancing at one of the airplanes, he slowly unfolded and read it.

_that cheeky smile of yours is really adorable_

What? Why would Ashton leave him notes like this? He reached for another one, this time unfurling the ball with less caution.

_i remember when you got your shirt stuck in your locker and one of your friends had to get the custodian to open it, i wanted to come up to you and hug you, you looked so scared_

"How the hell does he...?" He hadn't even started his freshman year yet-it had only been registration day and he'd managed to make himself look like an idiot in front of his entire school when he had to send Calum out to find somebody that could unjam his locker. He'd stood there absolutely mortified, people walking by and staring at him until finally seeing his shirt caught and beginning to laugh at him. Once he'd been freed from his locker, Calum had to take Luke into the bathroom to calm his down before finishing their orientation. He'd spent weeks of painful dread at the beginning of the year trying to forget about the incident; apparently Ashton had embedded the moment into his mind.

Shaking his head to push the thoughts away, Luke quickly stuffed the notes into his backpack and, as he stood, he noticed a piece of paper still laying on the desk Ashton had been sitting at. He looked around, checking to make sure the supervisor was still distracted by her magazine before climbing across the rows of desks to snatch the paper. Ashton's loopy handwriting went onto the back of the page, and Luke wanted to sit and read it all but-shit, he was going to be late to class again.

He stumbled across the desks in his way and, grabbing his backpack with one hand, prayed that his long legs could get him back to his class before the tardy bell rang. Luckily, the halls had emptied as the passing period time had diminished to a mere seconds, so he barely scraped past the doorway into chemistry.

His hands itched to read the longer note Ashton had written during class, and finally, after 15 insufferable minutes of being lectured on sig figs, Luke raised his hand and politely asked to use the restroom. Mrs. McDermott rolled her eyes and continued her lecture as Luke stood and walked out the class, stuffing Ashton's longer note into his pocket. The door hadn't even shut behind him when he pulled out the note and began to read as he walked.

_Movies have become an integral aspect of our daily lives. It is nearly impossible to find somebody who can truthfully claim that they have never seen a movie. Without this form of entertainment, modern society would be far behind on its advancements in technology and social aspects. While thousands of movies have been created in the last 100 years, most plot lines follow basic rules and stories based on six archetypes. Heroic archetypes-tragic, everyday, unlikely, and classic-have been becoming more commonly used in film today, often without the audiences realizing it is the same plot again and again with minimal changes._

_Of the four heroic archetypes, classic is one of the more commonly known. As the oldest archetype, classic heroes originate from_ King Arthur, _the first recorded tale to set the standards for future heroes. Born into royalty, young Arthur was taken away from his family when_

_There he sits, his body filling the seat, his long legs extended underneath into the next desk, his back visibly flexing through the thin cotton of his black t-shirt. His blonde tufts brushed across his forehead obscuring one of his baby blue eyes. Lips, soft-looking and probably very kissable, swollen from his nervous habit of biting down on that damn lip ring._

_He has no idea-no clue what he was doing to the whole room. His entire being expanded to fill the room, spreading across the air molecules like wildfire. Every breath was sending out a wave too perfect to describe._

_That's what the boy was: beautiful in so many ways unimaginable, full of life and innocence. How could one single person contain so many amazing attributes? How could he be in such a normal place such as school? How could he be simply ignored and ridiculed by his peers when he should be on display in a museum? How could be so underestimated?_

_He thinks he's just another kid stuck in a mundane existence because that's what he's been told his whole life. But everybody was too blind to see the real him, the part you could only see when he thought nobody was paying attention to him. If people could only see him. If only he could see himself._

_If only somebody would only tell him._

Luke's hands shook as he finished reading, turning the note to the front and then to the back again. "This isn't real," he whispered to himself. He leaned back against the bathroom wall and tried to concentrate on stopping his head from spinning. _Who is this guy?_ Luke held up the note again, noticing another line of writing on the bottom of the back side.

_i knew youd come back for the notes :) go to the library last 10 mins of lunch, back table_

He shoved the note back into his pocket as he pulled away from the wall. After quickly splashing some water on his face, Luke walked back to his class and slowly slipped inside as the teacher droned on. Nobody paid him any attention as he took his seat and sat in a daze for the rest of class. He barely noticed the bell ringing, signaling the end of second period.

For the next two hours, Luke managed to get through his classes, but he was confident that the only thing he would remember tomorrow was that he had scribbled Ashton's name into his math textbook across multiple pages. When Mrs. Crafton called his name to answer the question, he'd stared at her before she turned away, told him to pay attention, and called on another student. He'd quickly crossed out Ashton's name and tried to concentrate on his trig equations for the remainder of class.

When the class was dismissed, Luke was the first one out of the room. Even though he'd have to wait 20 minutes before going to the library to meet Ashton, he was bubbling with anticipation. He rushed through the lunch crowd in the hallway to meet Michael and Calum over by their lockers.

"All I'm saying is that she didn't have to be so rude about it," Michael was saying as he and Calum approached their side-by-side lockers.

"Dude, you pulled her skirt down in front of the whole school at assembly!"

Michael scoffed, opening his locker. "It was 7th grade! It's been years since that happened!"

"It got recorded! People still call her Naked Nancy!"

"I just think she should-"

"What's wrong with you?" Calum interrupted, turning to Luke.

He panicked for a moment, _was I that readable?_ Luke tried to wipe the smile off his face, replacing his expression with one that didn't look like he was absolutely going to burst with happiness. "Nothing's wrong."

Michael studied Luke, taking a step forward to be closer. "You look like you just got laid."

"Are we going to go eat?" Luke asked, turning away with a red face as the other two laughed lightly.

The three of them wandered into the lunchroom, grabbed trays of pizza and garlic bread, and headed outside to the courtyard. Michael and Calum sat next to each, their shoulders touching, while Luke spread his bag across his side of the bench.

Between bites of pizza, Michael asked "So who got you off?"

"Still this again? Nothing happened, okay! I swear, just drop it!"

"You made him flustered," Calum cooed.

"I hate both you."

Michael reached across the table, tearing a piece off of Luke's pizza. "Okay, so you didn't hook up with Ashton during detention. The real question is when is Lukey going to get laid?"

"Never. I am content with dying a virgin if it means you two will leave me the hell alone."

"I know a guy that I think you'd like, his name is Josh and-"

Calum started.

Michael interrupted, asking, "Is he that one that did that thing with that other guy?" 

"Yeah, I've told you about him before."

"That's what Luke needs, a really kinky guy."

"I wish I'd never told you two." Telling Michael and Calum that _oh yeah I'm bi, guys_ had actually been one of the easiest things Luke had ever done. Their friendship was only strengthened by Luke revealing his secret, but the two had made it their mission to set Luke up with a new guy each week, despite the youngest boy's protests.

"You love us, Lukey," Michael said, stretching his hand over the table to pinch Luke's cheek. Calum and Michael laughed as Luke swatted the boy's hand away. They fell into a conversation about a band's upcoming tour, while Luke's thoughts wandered off to Ashton.

Luke was picturing all the ways he could get Ashton to show those dimple cheeks when Michael called his name, waving a hand in his face. “Hey, Luke, are you there?” The younger boy blinked once and focused on Michael. “Are you coming over after school tomorrow? We need to work on-” 

“ _Shit!_ ” Luke struggled to get his phone out of his pocket (damn skinny jeans) and checked the time. Realizing that it was already the last 10 minutes of class, he quickly scarfed down the rest of his garlic bread and grabbed his backpack. Michael and Calum started shouting after him but he called back over his shoulder, “I have to do a thing! Don’t worry!”

This was getting to become incredibly familiar-running through the school halls to get to somewhere Luke was late for, trying to politely push past people that would just not get out of his way. Luckily, the library was fairly close, so Luke was catching his breath outside the doors within a minute’s run. Once spots stopped dancing across his eyes, he pulled open the library doors and walked inside, searching out for the “back table” as Ashton had called it. The room was for the most part quiet except for a group of freshmen playing a game online at one of the computers. He saw a curly head sticky up behind a shorter bookshelf, and Luke felt his vision tunnel. His feet guided him over, stopping before Ashton could notice him.

To no surprise, Luke found the boy sitting at the table, pencil in hand, carefully forming letter and words and sentences with the stroke of his hand. He couldn’t help but stop and watch Ashton’s entire concentration focused on one sole thing, his tongue sticking out past his teeth. A curl fell out from behind his ear, blocking one of his eyes and he made no move to brush it away.

Luke let out a deep breath and stumbled forward towards Ashton's table. The older boy continued to write as Luke opened his backpack and pulled out a handful of Ashton's notes. He dropped them on the table and said, "This isn't funny."

Ashton's hand didn't hesitate as he replied, "Initially, it wasn't supposed to be, but you do look particularly amusing when you get all unnerved like you are right now."

Heat rising into his face, Luke sputtered out, "Why? Why did you do this?"

The curly head lifted slightly as his pencils stopped swirling. "Isn't obvious?"

"You don't even know me! We've never talked before today." Luke took a seat, watching Ashton beginning to write again, a smile creeping up on his lips.

"Did you read them?"

"A few. And the long one."

Ashton nodded, still filling the page with his loopy handwriting. After a minute of studying him, Luke asked, "What are you writing now?" He didn't respond, still smiling until the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Lifting his head, he met Luke's eyes and his smile widened, sending waves of excitement through his stomach. Ashton stood, ripped off a corner of his paper, and scribbled a short note before setting it down on the table and starting to walk away. Luke stared, watching as Ashton exited the library without turning back. He picked up the note he'd left.

_sit with me at lunch from now on? :)  
-ash x_

"Damnit," Luke muttered to himself as he quickly piled the notes back into his backpack, hurrying off to make it to his next class. His head was buzzing, his thoughts running like wild as a warm feeling started in his tummy and spread out.

Ashton, of all the people in his school, was the only person that had agitated him so much, annoyed him so much; but, Luke couldn't help smiling at the ground as he walked to class, already waiting to see him again.

When Luke walked into 7th period (study hall) later, Michael had stared at him, genuine concern etched across his face. "Seriously, Luke, I'm concerned about you."

Luke ignored him, his mind still somewhere on Cloud Nine, as he pulled out his math textbook. "It's nothing."

"I'm pretty sure I've never seen your teeth this much in our entire friendship. They're crooked." Swatting at him, the younger boy brought out his half-finished math homework and pretended to work as Michael continued to talk. "Where did you go at lunch?"

"Had to talk with McDermott."

"About what?"

"Chemistry."

Michael reached over and pinched Luke's arm. "No shit, asshole. I mean what was really so important for you to leave at lunch?"

Why was he lying? Since when had he kept secrets from his best friend? "I-I was in the library?"

"What's that and why were you in one?"

Luke rubbed the back of his neck, trying to stop the heat spreading into his face. "You remember Ashton?" he asked, half-laughing, half-grimacing.

"So you did hook up with him!" Michael said a little bit too loud, earning a weird look from the two girls at the next lab table over. "Calum owes me 5 bucks!"

"I'll pretend that you weren't betting on me getting laid, but we really didn't hook up, okay? He just asked for-for some notes." _Nice one_ , Luke, he thought to himself. _Evasive and punny._

"Notes, huh? What class?"

"Math."

"I don't believe you, but it doesn't look like you're going to tell me so whatever, I don't need our friendship. I have Calum still."

Michael turned away, crossing his arms as he pretended to skim a spanish passage. Luke rolled his eyes, scribbling a circle onto his math homework. "Cal isn't even in here, Michael."

The other boy ignored him for the rest of the class period, pushing past Luke on his way out the door without waiting. Luke wasn't very worried; Michael could be a drama queen a lot and it would usually blow over by the next day. When he reached his locker, neither Michael nor Calum were anywhere to be seen, so Luke grabbed his chemistry textbook and walked past groups of friends chatting towards the exit. His mum's car was waiting out in the parking lot, as per usual, and Luke made his way over with his head down.

As soon as he had his bag thrown in the back and his seat belt on, his mum put the car into drive and asked, "How was school, sweetie?" 

He looked out the window as they passed the school building, a small smile across his face. "It was fine, Mum."

-

It wasn't until after dinner that Luke was finally able to escape his family and empty out his backpack of notes. After making sure his door was securely locked, he laid the various papers across his bed and opened them all so he could read them.

_i wish id known you when we were younger so i couldve watched you grow up and become who you are now_

_i heard you singing in music class one day and i wished youd neverd stopped_

_when you bite your lip i want to do inappropriate things to you_

Luke stopped when he read that one, realizing that he was actually biting his lip as he read it. He smiled to himself, heat rushing into his neck.

_you should wear a beanie more often, you always look cuddly when you do_

_you don’t notice but i see you walking between 3rd and 4th period everyday_

_sorry for all the pick up lines, i couldnt help myself :)_

Pick up lines? Luke searched through the pile of notes until he had collected a few.

_do you have a bandaid? i scraped my knee falling for you_

_i seem to have lost my phone number, can i have yours?_

_are you a banana? 'cause i find you a-peel-ing_

_if you were a vegetable, youd be a cute-  
cumber_

The younger boy covered his mouth to suppress a laugh, falling back onto his bed with the last note held to his chest. _Ashton, Ashton, AshtonAshtonAshton_ ran through his head as he closed his eyes and listened to the crickets chirp through his open window.

He felt like such a school girl, but he didn't even care because he was finally talking to his crush and life felt as if it could not get any better. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ye :-)

Over the next two weeks, Luke and Ashton's friendship blossomed. Two weeks of hands brushing in the hallways, two weeks of laughing til their sides hurt at lunch, two weeks of late night texts (Ashton had scribbled his number on Luke’s hand one day, threatening to “expose all this deepest secrets” if he didn’t text him.), two weeks of watching shitty movies at Ashton's house after school, two weeks of Luke constantly thinking about kissing Ashton.

There were plenty of times after school when Luke and Ashton laid curled up next to each other, soda cans and junk foods littering the table when he could just imagine Ashton kissing his jaw, leaving bruises and love bites. But somehow their time spent together stayed platonic, despite the fact that Ashton was so open about his feelings for Luke. He didn't understand; Luke had never said he didn't like Ashton, but the older boy had never made a move to do anything with him.

In retrospect, Luke was mostly at blame for their platonic-ness for not saying anything-yes or no- but he was awkward and figured even if he did say anything, it would just screw up whatever they had going on. (He also realized how irrational it was to think this, but that didn’t stop him from believing it was true.)

So they remained friends, and Luke smiled more in two weeks than he probably ever had in his whole life, always laughing, always thinking about Ashton; but still in wonder about him because sure, they'd talked a bunch, but they'd never talked about themselves.

He didn't think Ashton really cared about being close like that with Luke until he'd gotten a text one night (well 2:47 am actually) from him saying _just realized i know nothing about you, we have to talk about some stuff at lunch tomorrow_

Before Luke could even reply though, another text came in from Ashton, asking about what answer he had gotten on his math homework.

 _Maybe he does care_ , Luke thought to himself as he finally locked his phone after saying goodnight to Ashton, knowing he was only going to get 3 and a half hours of sleep now.

But it would be worth it; it was always worth it when it came to Ash.

-

At school the next day, Luke looked for Ashton but the boy seemed to have turned invisible. Each class was more and more stressful as he thought about where Ashton could possibly be at. None of his texts were being answered, which made him think the other boy was trying to back out of his own request to talk at lunch.

Calum kept trying to talk to him during first period, but he brushed him off lightly. Luke guessed Michael was still mad at him because he hadn't sat with them during lunch all week when he didn't say anything to him the whole class period, only stealing glances that Luke barely caught while being distracted. (Amazing, the boy was constantly trying to hook him up with guys he deemed worthy, but once Luke had found his own guy, he got upset at him. Go figure.) As they were leaving first period, Calum asked if he was going to be at lunch with Ashton again, to which Luke gave a distracted nod in response. The darker boy gave him a weird look, but shrugged his shoulder and began whispering something to Michael when Luke turned down the hallway towards chemistry.

He was starting to get really worried that Ashton wasn't even at school by the time it was lunch and he still hadn't seen him; so when he saw a mess of curls at the back table in the library at lunch, his heart started to nearly beat out if his chest. He approached the table shyly, twisting his fingers together as he sat in front of Ashton, who was busy writing another long note.

Of course, the older boy had chosen to look particularly good that day, his curly hair fluffed up to one side, his hazel eyes bright under the yellow light, his black jeans just tight enough to make Luke feel a tingling in his stomach. He couldn’t help all the thoughts that flooded his mind when he saw Ashton, everything that he shouldn’t be thinking in a platonic relationship. Ashton just had this aura around him that radiated beauty and sunshine and everything gorgeous in the world. 

It was so unfair.

"Luke?" Ashton's soft voice interrupted his thoughts. He was studying the younger boy, his lips starting to quirk up in the corners.

"Yeah? Sorry, I was just...I don't know," he mumbled as he sat down across from Ashton.

"What were you thinking about?" Ashton asked as he started to put the paper he'd been writing on away. He leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head in a relaxed gesture.

Luke was sure he was turning tomato-red. He swallowed hard, tried to avert his eyes from Ashton's arms because _holy shit, how could a teenager have such defined arms?_ "It was, um, nothing." 

"You look nervous. Worried I'll ask about all your secrets?"

He was making fun of him now, trying to hide that dumb smirk of his Luke loved. "I'm-I...no?" His voice came out in a squeaky question, further embarrassing him.

Ashton laughed, a small depression appearing in one of his cheeks. "I'm was serious last night, you know. Tell me about yourself, Lukey."

Luke bit back a retort about how much he hated that pet name, but it felt more right to hear it from Ashton's lips than the customary Michael or Calum's. "There isn't much to, like, say about me."

"Sure there is. Favorite color, family, friends, secret fantasies, kinks, least favorite food?"

Luke didn't think he could get any redder, but nonetheless, this idiot was making him feel like he had swallowed a nuclear bomb and was slowly burning up. It was as if no matter how friendly they had gotten in the past two weeks, Luke was still a nervous mess around Ashton. The other boy laughed again. "You're so cute when you get embarrassed," he said as he leaned towards Luke, who had hidden his face by laying his head in the table.

Shivers ran through his body when he felt long fingers run across his upper back. Luke lifted his head enough to peak at Ashton as he confessed, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Yes you did, asshole."

"Okay, so I did." He pulled on Luke's shoulder, trying to get him to pick his head up. "Come on, be social with me."

The blonde boy sat up in his seat again and, looking at the table, he said, "Ashton, you remember those notes you left for me that one day we had detention together?"

"Of course," he said, smiling.

"I never asked-did you, like, mean everything you write?"

Ashton smiled, laying his chin on his hands. "Yeah, I did."

"Oh."

"Oh? Why oh?"

"You were just so, uh, blatant?"

"Right. I'm not very good at the whole 'nonchalant, tries to keep gay tendencies quiet' thing."

"I-I noticed."

"Hmm," he hummed, his eyes roving over Luke.

"Why are you always writing?" he asked, hoping the conversation would stray away from talking about himself. As long as he could distract Ashton-something he’d gotten good at doing lately-they could get through lunch without discussing every aspect of his life.

Ashton smiled, shrugging his shoulders. He was trying to play it off, but Luke could tell that he was a little unnerved, as if he wasn't used to anybody asking him personal questions. "It's more... comfortable than talking. I can say what I want more easily when I write it down than when I have to, you know, say it out loud."

"I guess that makes sense."

"I wish people were more like me, less talkative, more introverted."

"How can you be introverted, yet the most popular guy at school?"

Ashton waved his comment off, his smile fading slightly. "Please, people only try to be my friend because they think I'm attractive, which is ridiculous."

"But you are."

"It's still dumb and pointless to want to be friends with people just because of their looks. I don't think there is one person here who calls me their 'friend' that actually cares a single shit about me. Besides you, of course."

"So, what? You have no other friends, then?"

"Not real ones, no. All they care about is their social status and they think if they hang out with me at a party or something that they'll become just as 'great' as me or whatever."

"That sounds-"

"Lonely? Pathetic? It is," he said quietly, his eyes lowered.

Luke looked at Ashton as he spoke, realizing that maybe the 'happiest guy in the world' personality was just a front, a way for him to cope with the meaningless friendships he had collected over the years. How could Luke have missed it?

_Because I was just as distracted by his looks as everyone else._

Here was this boy that was literally faking it til he made it, and Luke had thought he was just another popular, attractive, easy-going guy once upon a time. But, fuck, he had been so wrong. He'd seen a side to Ashton, obviously happy and carefree, yet affectionate and meaningful, and he had never realized that that wasn't the usual Ashton; it was only the real one.

"Is that why you were always in here by yourself?" Luke asked, his voice now soft.

"Guess my secret is out." Ashton let out a chipped laugh, lowering his eyes.

Luke opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. He wanted to comfort Ashton somehow, but what could he say? _I’m sorry everybody here hasn’t tried to get to know the real you, but I do and I want you to know that I think you’re fucking great and also we should fuck around sometime_ was a little too honest for Luke.

"I swear to fucking God, if you say you're sorry, I will punch you in the face and fuck up your cute little nose." Ashton lifted his eyes, looking at Luke with a serious expression.

"I-I promise I won't." Ashton nodded, looking down and starting to pick at his finger. "How do you...deal with it?"

"Getting shit-faced and hooking up with guys I don't know at parties every weekend."

But it was weird for him to say that because in the past two weeks that they'd been hanging out, never once had Ashton said anything about going a party. _So, what? He's changed because of me? Because we became friends? Is that what happened or do he still-_

Before he could form any actual words out of his thoughts, the damn bell rang. Ashton started to stand, picking up his backpack, Luke quickly following in suit. The older boy started walking towards the door while Luke struggled to stuff his textbook in his bag. He figured Ashton had already left for his class, but when Luke looked up, he was standing at the door to the library.

"You coming?" he said, all dimples and smiles again. Luke nodded vigorously, rushing to catch up to him. "I'll walk you to class."

As they pushed through the hallways, several people tried to stop Ashton and talk with him but he just smiled and kept walking, trying to stay next to Luke. More than once, their hands brushed against each other and at some point, Luke realized that Ashton was purposely reaching out for him as they passed through a group of his "friends". The younger boy walked closer to him, trying to conceal their hands as he linked their pinkies together tightly. Ashton laughed, smiling over at Luke like he was the most adorable creature he'd ever seen, but the younger boy could see the relief that flooded his eyes of having some kind of support.

When they got to Luke's next class, Independent Music, Ashton leaned against the door frame and smiled coolly, their hands falling apart. He couldn't help but think how different this boy was standing in front of him compared to the one he was just with back in the library. How was he so good at faking this?

"Are you going to be late to your next class?" Luke asked quietly as other people in his class trickled into the room.

"Don't worry about it."

"Well, thanks for walking me, I guess."

Before Luke could register anything that was going on, Ashton leaned forward and pressed his lips to the corner of the younger boy's lips. Following the chaste kiss, Ashton whispered in Luke's ear, " _Thanks for being a real friend._ "

Ashton smile never wavered as leaned back, his eyes quickly flickering down Luke's body. The younger boy squirmed, knowing that he was blushing red again, and reach out to paw at his arm. "Go to class!" he said, pushing Ashton away.

Laughing, the older boy turned to leave, but glanced back over his shoulder and called, "By the way, have you checked your locker today?"

"No, why?"

The smirk on his face made Luke's chest ache. "You might wanna, but make sure the hallway is empty." He turned away and disappeared around the corner, leaving Luke to enter his class and search for his guitar, but only thinking about the feeling of Ashton's warms lips ghosting over his skin.

_That counts as, like, a move, right? He kissed my cheek. Normal people wouldn't just kiss their friends cheeks and then whisper in their ear, right?_

Luke managed practicing his riffs for a good 10 minutes before he gave in and asked to leave for the bathroom. Snatching his backpack, he left before anybody could question him, walking towards the hallway his locker was in. He didn't encounter anybody along the way nor was there anyone in the hallway, so he quickly put in the combination and opened his locker, not really sure about what he was expecting.

As soon as his locker was just enough open, a cascade of balled up pieces of paper spilled out. Luke stepped back, admiring the mess, before noticing a sticky note taped to the inside of his locker door.

_dont worry its not poetry, im not that cliche :)_

He knelt down, picking up one of the paper balls and gently unrolled it.

_youre like a very punk ray of emo sunshine in my life and i appreciate that_

"Fuck," he muttered as he rolled it back up and shook off his backpack. He wanted to sit down and read them all, but any minute now, somebody could walk down the hallway and catch him freaking out like a teenaged girl. Stuffing all of them into his backpack, he stood up to grab the remaining ones still in his locker.

He clutched his backpack tight all the way back to music class.

-

Luke was so distracted the rest of the day, he was pretty sure he failed his english test on the first act in _The Crucible_ , but he didn't really care because he spent the whole rest of the class period doodling Ashton's name into the margins of his notebook instead of taking notes on the second act. When the bell finally rang, he barely opened his backpack enough to slip the book and his notebook in, careful not to expose the balled up notes.

When he walked into 7th period, Michael nearly tackled him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so so sorry, Lukey. I've been an ass lately and selfish because I only wanted you to myself and I’m sure Ashton is a great friend so I should let you-"

"Mikey, it's okay!" Luke told the other boy as he struggled to breathe through Michael's death grip on him. 

"Are you sure? I was gonna say something during history, but you seemed so distracted and I thought you were mad at me for ignoring you. I’ve felt like shit about this all week."

"Look, no. Seriously, I'm fine, we're fine."

Michael pulled back, grabbing Luke's face and looking into his eyes. "I'm sorry, Lukey. I love you, okay? I'll always love you."

The younger boy pushed him away, laughing. "You are such an embarrassment."

Michael rubbed his knuckles in Luke's hair, eliciting a groan and a smack on the arm from the blonde, as they sat down in the back of the classroom. They fell into conversation, just talking about random stuff, and it was familiar and easy, something Luke hadn't realized he'd been missing the last two weeks. He loved being with Ashton of course, but he didn't know that he would miss his best friends this much after two weeks of not eating lunch with them.

"We missed you at band practice the other day," Michael said as they walked to their lockers after they’d been released.

 _Okay and a couple band practices. Right._ Luke had gone to Ashton's house to help him with homework, but they had ended up listening to Ashton's favorite songs on the record player he cherished.

The look Michael was giving him made him want to confess every single secret, but before he could say anything, Michael let it go and asked, "You still coming over today?"

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll just ride with you guys?”

“Cool.”

When they reached their lockers, Calum was already standing there, leaning against his locker as he furiously typed a text message. He was focused on his phone the whole time Michael and Luke stood at their lockers, collecting their things, only looking up after Michael pinched him.

“Are you still texting that guy from the party?” Michael asked, his voice tinged with something that took Luke a minute to understand: jealously. _What was going on between them?_

Luke slacked behind the two as they walked ahead of him, switching topics to discuss a song they had practiced in their own music theory class. His eyes trained on the floor, he didn’t notice the eyes watching him until he was out the front entrance and glanced back. Ashton, talking to a girl that had her back to Luke, was looking past her towards him with a smile made specific for the younger boy. Luke raised his hand in a small wave and quickly lowered it when the older boy looked back at the girl, instantly feeling like an idiot as he sped up to walk next to his friends.

The ride to Michael’s house was oddly silent and tension-filled and, from the backseat, Luke watched Michael, while driving, glance over at Calum, who was texting in the passenger seat, several times. He’d never seen his best friends act this distant, especially Michael-he was usually a ball of energy and affection towards everyone. It was obvious that he was upset at the fact that Calum had been texting this mysterious boy the past 20 minutes since after school. It’s not like Michael was exactly sly when it came to his feelings towards Calum, but between the two of them, nothing had ever been officially stated.

Luckily, Michael lived close to the school so they were soon inside his house, raiding the cabinets for food after calling a quick hello to Michael’s mum. They transitioned from the kitchen to the garage, laying their backpacks down in exchange for their old guitars.

Luke fell into the rhythm of the music they practiced, slowly breathing easier as the weight of the past few days leave his shoulders. This always happened when he played-he could always relax better when there was a used 6-string in his hands, calloused hands creating half-decent riffs. He didn’t know where he would be without his guitar, but Luke imagined his life would be a lot more stressful if he didn’t have this way of getting his emotions out.

They practiced the few songs they knew pretty well before Calum took a break, swinging his bass over his back as he took a drink from a water bottle (and checked his phone, much to Michael’s obvious distaste). Luke was switching from electric to his accoustic when Michael asked, “Hey, Luke, did you print out those song lists I told you about?"

“They’re in my backpack,” he responded as he tried to get the damn pick out of the body of his guitar. He was concentrated on his task for a count of five before he realized that Michael was unzipping his backpack. “Fuck, wait-” He dropped his guitar on the couch as he rushed over to the other boy, but it was too late. He already had one of the notes in his hand, opened.

“What the hell is this, Luke?” he asked, holding the note back from the younger boy, who was reaching for it.

“It’s nothing, give it back!” he said, following Michael as he stood and started to walk towards Calum. 

“Sure doesn’t look like nothing. Care to look, Cal?”

“Michael, come on!” Luke made another grab at the note now in Calum’s hands. The darker boy skimmed the note as Michael held Luke back, looking up after a minute and holding the note out to him. Luke took the note, pushing past the both of them to put it back in his backpack. When he turned back around, both of them were standing side by side, arms crossed, studying him.

“Anything you want to tell us, Luke?”

“I-You guys are assholes.”

Michael stepped forward, asking, “They’re from Ashton, aren’t they?"

Luke sat down on the nearby couch, lowering his head as he spoke, “I didn’t-didn’t want to say anything.”

“Why, Luke? We’re your best friends!”

“I know, but it’s not like he’s anything to me. We aren’t an item or anything. He just...writes me these notes. We're just friends, just like you guys thought I was. You guys have known that I was with him these past couple weeks."

Calum was busy digging through Luke’s backpack, opening more notes. This has to be some sort of abuse, Luke thought to himself. He watched as the other boy read one note and laughed out loud.

“Just friends? This one is him discussing how well he thinks you’d blow him.”

Luke closed his eyes, pressing the palms of his hands against his forehead in frustration. “You guys don’t understand.”

Michael, suddenly soft-hearted, sat down on the couch and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Help us understand, Luke.”

Calum joined them on the couch, sitting close by Luke as the youngest boy began to talk.

He talked about freshman year, first seeing Ashton-the first time he started to realize that he might be into guys. Telling them about how he had to stand by and watch the older boy live his life with so many seemingly-friendly people had hurt him, pushed him into himself when he realized how he could never attain Ashton’s affection. It had taken nearly his whole freshman year to get over his small obsession with him, minimalizing it to simply pining over him from afar. He had began to think he could find somebody else to like until he walked into that damn detention room and turned around to see that damn curly head and bright eyes. That was the moment he knew that he was truly and wholly _fucked_.

It felt good to get the past off his chest and finally tell his best friends about all the pain he'd endured over Ashton, but part of him wished it was still his secret. He liked being able to have feelings about Ashton and not having to worry about Michael and Calum making fun of him. He didn't know if he could've dealt with them the previous year.

But he felt horrible for keeping a secret from them for this long.

Michael and Calum were oddly attentive as Luke droned on, and when he was finished, they were silent for a while before pulling him together into a hung, sandwiching Luke between them.

“I wished you would have told us, Luke,” Calum murmured into his shoulder.

Michael added, “We could have helped make it easier.”

Luke wanted to tell them that it was okay, everything was fine now, but he was sick of keeping lies from his best friends. The truth was that Luke felt as if his whole life was coming apart in pieces and Ashton was the source of his problems. The comfort he needed wasn’t something either of them could give him.

But they were trying, and that was enough for Luke in that moment. He clung to them, mumbling how much he loved them and how great of friends they were even though they were dicks sometimes. They spent the rest of their “practice” laying on the cold garage floor, laughing and talking to each other. It was nice, it was easy, it was familiar.

Being with those two idiots he could call his friends, Luke felt a warm sense of home.

He could almost say that he was over his confusion when Michael dropped him off after dinner, but as soon as he opened his backpack, he was reminded of Ashton and whatever was going on between them. 

He pulled out the notes, once again laying them on his bed, adding them to that first day’s collection. He read them all once, then again, then separating them into two piles: ones that he understood and ones that he wasn’t sure what Ashton had meant when he was writing them. The latter group sent Luke reeling because Ashton was writing things that made no sense to Luke.

_so many times i almost talked to you but things would get in the way_

_ive built up my courage too many times to only be shot down_

_they tried to tell me not to do it but i couldnt help myself_

_no matter what i do i cant get it out of my mind_

As he sorted them, he found that more notes had vague messages than ones that were just compliments and cheesy lines. Luke stared at them, wishing the answers would reveal themselves. He didn't like this, trying to figure out what the hell was going on in that confusing boy's head. Sighing, he pushed the notes away and turned to the other pile picking one up at random.

_ive never felt this much for anyone, friend or boyfriend_

Ashton was so confusing and vague sometimes, he didn't understand why he wouldn't just talk to him in person about this stuff. He wanted to text Ashton, ask him questions, but he needed to see his face, see his expressions when he explained to him why he'd been fawning over Luke for years before Luke even knew Ashton existed.

He fell asleep that night, tired and confused and frustrated, wondering how somebody like Ashton had fallen into his life and changed everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea why this chapter is almost as long as the ch 1 and 2 combined ~~okay i do its bc of all the smut but~~ its the last actual chapter and i'm :-)))
> 
> warning: there's a little bit of homophobia ,,,, it's part of a backstory thing and i just wanted to give a warning okay
> 
> i'm probably gonna end up posting the epilogue tomorrow bc i want this to be all done and posted ~~and it's only like 1k anyways so it's not really big enough to wait a bunch of days~~
> 
> :-)

Luke was determined. He was going to find Ashton before class; he was going to talk to him; he was going to make him explain all the confusing notes; he was going to confront him on the things he had revealed yesterday in the notes. If he died tomorrow, the only thing he needed to do before was talk to Ashton.

He'd asked his mom if she could drop him off twenty minutes early, explaining that he had to print an essay before his first class, and she had obliged. After stuffing his textbooks in his locker, he started walking through each hallway, making sure he paid attention to every moving body he passed. It was slow work (since when had his school been _this_ big?) and Luke was losing hope quickly. Once again, Ashton wasn't answering any of the texts Luke sent him.

He tried to stop some people he figured might know Ashton, but most were in the "popular crowd" and just ignored him. He trudged through until there was only five minutes before class.

 _How could I be so stupid_? he thought as he realized he knew what class Ashton had first period. He raced up the stairs to Mrs. Crafton's room, slowly pushing his way past the crowd outside, and glanced inside. While some of the desks were occupied, most were empty and none of them contained a curly head of hair. Luke, feeling hopeless and dejected, turned and started to make his way back downstairs and towards his history class.

He found he was still searching the crowds in the hallways as he walked towards the bathroom nearest his class. He pushed open the door and immediately ran into a body. After a second of having his body pressed to the stranger's warm chest, Luke stepped back to gain his balance back. He looked at the person he'd ran into and his heart beat began to speed up because _here he finally was_.

Ashton smiled at Luke, saying, "Hey."

"Hi," Luke squeaked out. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart. _Don't let him get to you_ , he told himself.

"What's up?"

"I-um, it's fine, I mean, I'm fine." _I sound like a lovesick idiot who's nervous around his crush._

Ashton stepped closer, pressing against Luke, who stumbled backwards until his back was against the wall. Laughing, the older boy reached out to lay his hand on his hip and bring his mouth right to Luke's ear. He bit on the lobe lightly, and the younger boy could feel himself quickly turning into putty in Ashton's hands.

_What is he doing? Why is he suddenly acting like this? Nothing had changed between yesterday and today, but now Ashton was fine with making out in the bathroom? Did he think that the notes somehow made a silent agreement between us that established some closer relationship?_

__He tried to fight against what the other boy was purposely doing to him, but it felt _so_ good and he was _so_ weak._ _

__"Am I making you uncomfortable, Lucas?" he whispered against his ear, sending shivers through his body until he was a shaky mess._ _

__Ashton's lips were just beginning to move to Luke's neck when the blonde pulled away. "Stop, Ashton. You can't just-just do this and-and..." his voice died as the words stuck in his throat._ _

__Still close to Luke, the older boy scrunched up his face in concern. His.hands were making their way the back of his neck and pulling on loose strands at his nape. "What is it?"_ _

Luke took a deep breath, but his chest was filling with anger. "No, _fuck_ , Ashton, stop!" He pushed him back, making the curly haired boy stumble backwards. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He was tired of Ashton being vague, tired of Ashton pretending that he hadn't been basically drooling over Luke for the past two years and hadn't ever said a single thing to him about it, tired of him acting like friends one day and then kissing him like this. It wasn't fair that Ashton had been keeping this such a secret from him and then coming right out and saying it without any real explanation. "Why didn't you just talk to me instead of keeping all this shit bottled up?" Luke walked towards Ashton, forcing him back. "Why, Ashton, why the fuck couldn't you tell me anything?" 

__The older boy stared at him for a moment, clear confusion on his face, before his expression changed and became closed off. "I never had a good opportunity," he mumbled, eyes cast down at Luke's chest._ _

__"Bullshit, Ashton. That's bullshit. You know what I think the reason is? I think you're a coward-you're scared to actually admit what you feel, no matter how blatant you are. You're fine with making me antsy and awkward, but you'd never actually do anything. You're just a coward, Ashton. That’s all you’ll ever be is a coward.”_ _

__Silence followed, Ashton's eyes trained on the floor for a minute before saying quietly, “Why did you bother asking me since you obviously think you have the right answer?”_ _

__“I wanted to give you a chance,” he said, taking a step away from Ashton and turning away while running a hand through his hair. “But I guess I shouldn’t have since you’d rather-”_ _

__Ashton shoved Luke back now, but he had more power to it, causing the boy to slam into the wall. Pain flared through the back of his head and his lower back as he looked up at the older boy. Ashton's face was pinker, his eyebrows scrunched together, and his hands were clenched at his side. Luke watched as he stepped forward and pressed his forearm across Luke’s shoulder, roughly grabbing his face in his hand with the other._ _

“You wanna know what I’m scared of, _Hemmings_?” he asked, leaning in close enough for his minty breath to wash over the younger boy. “I’m scared of you. I’m scared that after all these years of watching you, I’ve built up this fake image of you that’s damn near perfect. I’m scared that I’ll find out how wrong that vision is and be disappointed.” Ashton stepped back, letting go of Luke. “I haven’t been yet. Since actually meeting you, you’ve exceeded what I thought of you-you got more and more perfect the more we talked. Now, I’m scared that you’ll finally see how imperfect I am-not as smart, not as funny, not as attractive, not as innocent, not as caring, not as thoughtful, not as analytical, not as nice, not as carefree. I’m just _not_. I-I’m not good enough for you. For anyone.” 

__Luke was staring at Ashton, thinking of his reply as the older boy’s eyes drifted away from Luke’s face. “A-ashton,” he stuttered out. He reached out for his hand and took the larger fingers into his, squeezing hard. He attempted a step closer to Ashton, saying in a voice barely above a whisper, “Who decided you weren’t perfect?”_ _

Ashton meets the younger boy’s eyes again, closing the distance between them with a large step. Luke let himself be pressed against the wall as their lips collided. Both of Ashton’s hands came up to his neck, his fingers extending to dig into his jaw while Luke stood motionless for a moment. _It’s happening_ , he thought to himself. _This is actually happening_. Not until the older boy began to laugh against his mouth did he realize that he should kiss him back. 

__Luke pressed back against Ashton, his hands latching on to his hips to stabilize himself as the other boy rubbed circles into his skin. He tried to hold back an embarrassing moan but he'd never had a guy be this sensual with him, this close. His mind was in hyper drive when Ashton opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. Struggling, Luke tried to keep up with the older boy's pace, but he was turning into a mess again and all he wanted was to be closer and closer to Ashton._ _

__It seemed like forever before Luke pulled back to take a breath. "We're gonna be late to class," he said quietly once his breathing slowed._ _

__"That's the least of my worries right now, Luke." Ashton pushed back against him, one of his hands wrapping around the back of Luke's head to pull him closer._ _

__The younger boy could feel a tingling begin in his stomach, spreading lower as the kiss continued. Ashton hummed into Luke's mouth, and he couldn't hold it back any longer; he let out a low moan, instantly turning bright red with embarrassment. As Luke mumbled a sorry against his mouth, Ashton slightly pulled back enough to say, "S'okay."_ _

__"Ashton, I-I want to..."_ _

__Nimble fingers were stroking his cheek softly. "Want to what, baby?" Luke saw out of the corner of his eye that Ashton was reaching around to lock the bathroom door._ _

_Did he call me_ -All his thoughts turned to a jumbled mess when the same hand that had been on his cheek a moment earlier was pressing into the bulge he didn't realize was constrained by his skinny jeans. His breath caught as Ashton dug the heel of his hand into his crotch, his vision turned to white for a second before he realized that the older boy was unbuttoning his pants. 

__Ashton, wide-eyed, looked at Luke from under his eyelashes. "Is this okay?" The younger boy nodded, wrapping his shaking hands around Ashton's biceps. As Ashton undid his jeans fully, his swollen lips sliding across his cheek and down his jaw, hesitating a few seconds on his neck to suck a bruise. His other hand not palming Luke traced over his stomach until he was at the waistband of his unbuttoned jeans. Lowering to his knees, Ashton pulled Luke's skinnies down and reached up again to slide off his boxers._ _

__Luke dug his fingers into Ashton's shoulders as he felt the older boy press a kiss to his now bare hip, and he couldn't help the heat rising into his cheeks. Ashton looked up at him, but he turned his eyes away to the wall. He felt fingers peel his hands away from Ashton's shoulders and weave into his hand. The older boy stood and took his free hand to lift Luke's chins and meet his hazel eyes._ _

__"Are you sure this is alright, Luke?" he asked softly. He nodded back, trying to meet Ashton’s eyes. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I’m not gonna pressure you.”_ _

“I-I’m fine. Please just _fuck, just touch me_.” Ashton smiled before pressing a leaving a soft kiss on his lips and returning to his knees. 

__Before Luke could even take a breath, Ashton had his long fingers wrapped around his shaft, bringing his his head closer. He felt a warm tongue lick from his thigh, up his to his hip, and then begin to rove across his throbbing cock. Luke thought he was going to come right then and there; his body was aching all over already. Ashton was alternating between kitten licks and quick kisses along his length, and the younger had to push his hands into Ashton’s hair to keep from screaming out. He was trying not to pull too hard, but the other boy had switched to biting his thighs lightly while he rubbed his thumb across his tip to spread the leaking precome._ _

__Luke had to admit, his high school bathroom was not exactly the place he’d imagined he’d be receiving his first blow job, but who was to be picky when he would bend so easily to Ashton’s will? He was putty in his hands-he’d do anything the boy said at this point-he didn’t even care. Standing there with his boxers around his ankles and his cock in Ashton’s hand, he knew that he was hooked on Ashton._ _

__And he was okay with it._ _

__Slowly, Ashton’s lips made their way back to his cock and he wrapped them around his tip, looking up to meet Luke's eyes. Without glancing away, he took his whole length into his mouth, letting out a soft moan. The vibrations went all the way through Luke’s body, eliciting a matching moan from him as Ashton began to bob his head back and forth. One hand was bracing himself against the wall behind Luke’s legs while the other reached up to lay flat against Luke’s stomach. Luke yanked on Ashton’s curls in his hands a little too hard (or at least he thought), but Ashton only hesitated for a short moment before continuing to bob his head to an unknown rhythm._ _

“ _Fuck I_ -that feels s-so…” Luke groaned, his back arching slightly and Ashton leaning back a little so he didn’t hit his gag reflex. 

__The older boy pulled off and Luke started to whine a little. “Feels what, baby?” the older boy asked, his voice rough and deep._ _

“Ashton, _please_ d-don’t stop.” His body was shaking like crazy and he was sure he sounded like a whiny kid, but he didn’t care; he was so close and the tingling in his lower abdomen was beginning to become painful. 

___“ _Tell me, Lukey_ ,” Ashton demanded, taking his hands off Luke completely._ _ _

“Feels- _fuck_ -fantastic.” 

___Smiling again, Ashton reached towards Luke, past his cock until he pressed a finger against Luke’s hole but not quite entering. “What about that?” Ashton asked._ _ _

___Luke wanted to answer-tell Ashton how he wished he would push his finger in-but he was too weak in the knees and he didn’t trust his voice to not scream out Ashton’s name. He settled for bucking his hips towards Ashton, who chuckled and once again put Luke’s cock in his mouth._ _ _

He’d never felt this much heat in one area so sensitive, not even when he was jerking himself off did he feel this much _sensation_. Ashton was doing crazy things to him, things Luke had dreamed about guys doing to him but had never actually experienced. He could not believe that he had been missing out on all this absolutely euphoric _bliss_ his whole life. 

When Ashton started running stripes along his length-over top, underneath, up and down the sides-Luke decided that he wouldn’t be able to stand much of this, the coiling in his stomach was too much pressure and pain. “ _Ash_ , I-I think I-I’m- _fuck_ -close.” 

Ashton nodded slightly, his nose rubbing against Luke’s hips in a soft motion. _What is he going to do?_ he thought to himself. _He won’t stay there while I-fuck_ -Ashton hollowed out his cheeks, sucking hard while he waited for it to trigger Luke to come into his mouth. Luke’s back arched (okay, how could he have _not_ hit Ashton’s gag reflex yet?) as white ecstasy filled his vision. The coiling in his stomach unravelled as the heat left his body in a hot stream through his cock and right down Ashton’s throat. He swallowed it as much as he could, small dribbles beginning to run down his chin as Luke reached the end of his peak. 

___He came down from his high with a loud moan, releasing the last drops of come into Ashton’s mouth, who greedily licked it up from his chin as he pulled back from Luke. Exhausted, the younger boy sank down to his knees as he slumped forward against Ashton, his head landing on his chest. Ashton wrapped his hands around him, pulling his shoulders closer as he affectionately kissed his neck._ _ _

“That was fucking great, baby,” Ashton whispered softly as his lips traipsed across Luke’s sweet skin. “So fucking _beautiful_ , Lukey." 

___He opened his eyes after a minute spent recovering his breath and glanced down to find he was looking at Ashton’s hard on concealed by his skinny jeans. He felt bad suddenly; here was Ashton spending all this time on Luke, making him feel great, but he hadn’t even laid a single finger on Ashton. Reaching out, Luke thought he would at least try to help, even if he didn’t know what he was doing. Before he could touch Ashton though, his wrist was grabbed and pulled back. He looked up at Ashton, whose eyes were bright and his breathing shallow._ _ _

___“S’okay,” he muttered quietly. “You need to-to go to class.”_ _ _

He’s just going to tell me to leave, just like that? Self-consciousness filled his head. _Was he lying? Did I do something wrong? Does he think I’m gross?_ Luke pulled away, avoiding Ashton’s eyes as he stood up and lifted his boxers and pants back up to his waist. With some flare, he walked to where his backpack had been tossed in their excitement, throwing it on as he walked to the sink to splash some water on his face. Once he decided that he looked less like “I Just Had My First Blowjob” and more like “I Ran All The Way To School,” he turned to leave the bathroom without another comment to Ashton. 

___With his hand on the handle, Ashton called out his name. Luke turned, looking at the older boy still sitting on the floor with his fingers twisted together. “You really did-did great, okay?”_ _ _

___Luke nodded, looking away from Ashton’s eyes for a second before realizing how bratty and childish he was acting. He met the older boy’s bright hazel eyes softly asking, “Can I stay to-to…” He wanted to see how someone as experienced as Ashton did it, how he made himself feel good like he'd made Luke feel._ _ _

___Ashton smiled and said, “The kinks exposed at last. Not right now, but you can watch another time. I-I promise.”_ _ _

_Another time. Another time_. The words held hope, practically sending Luke into a school girl fit, but he kept his cool, smiling and nodding as he opened the bathroom door slightly to let himself out. He looked back in through the cracked opening to see Ashton smiling at the ground, his own cheeks started to turn red. 

___Luke looked away with a smile, clutching his backpack tightly as he raced to the attendance window. He’d managed to only be 10 minutes late to class, but the women at the window still gave him a death glare._ _ _

___“Why are you late?” she asked as he stamped his pass._ _ _

_Because I was letting Ashton Irwin, arguably the hottest guy at school, suck me off_. No, okay- ”My mum was late leaving the house this morning.” 

___Handing him the pass, she said, “Don’t blame your mother for your inexcusable lack of responsibility, young man.”_ _ _

___“Yes, ma'am,” he responded, already losing thoughts and thinking of the next time he’d see Ashton._ _ _

___When he got to his history class, he didn’t realize that he hadn’t stopped smiling until Calum passed him a note._ _ _

_drop the weird smile dude_

___He tried hard, but every time he thought of Ashton, his smile would creep back up on to his face. He made it to lunch without telling anybody about what had happened before school and how much he just wanted to go home with Ashton and get in bed._ _ _

_What the hell is wrong with me_ , he thought to himself. _I just met Ashton and I've already let him blow me and now I want him to fuck me? Our whole relationship is built on late night texts, vague ass notes, and cheesy rom coms. The first time we actually talked was literally two weeks ago!_

___But why did it seem like they had always know each other? Why did Ashton make him feel like they'd been best friends for years? It was like they had skipped that awkward phase with new friends and went straight to being close and comfortable with each other. Luke wasn't sure how it had happened, but who was he to complain; it's not like he wanted to be uneasy with Ashton._ _ _

___So, maybe it was a little weird to want to fuck a guy he had essentially just befriended, but he didn't really care because Ashton made him feel all kinds of tingles everywhere._ _ _

___Walking into the library after he had finally escaped math, Luke felt like he could take on the world; the realization that Ashton liked him in the way Luke had wanted him to since his freshmen year had finally set in. He still wanted to talk about some of the notes, but at least he had an explanation on why he'd waited so long to do anything with him. He had no clue what to call their relationship still-they could work out the details later if they needed to._ _ _

___All that really mattered to him was that he was allowed to see Ashton smile at him like he was the greatest thing ever._ _ _

___To say the least, Luke was excited to see Ashton again at lunch, but when he approached Ashton's usual table, his mood fell away: the table was empty. Worry setting in, Luke turned in a circle, thinking that he had missed something, but the library was vacant besides him._ _ _

_Oh, God. He does hate me. He regrets this morning, he can't even face me_. Luke's breathing was growing shallow and he decided he need to get out before he reached full-on panic attack. _I can't believe I thought he likes me, of course he doesn't! He was probably doing it for a bet like in those dumb movies but without the part where they_ -When Luke opened the door out of the library and turned to run down the hallway, he knocked right into somebody. 

___He was so upset, he just mumbled a "sorry" before moving past the person. Only when he felt a hand wrap around his wrist did he look back and meet hazel eyes smiling at him._ _ _

___Ashton pulled Luke close, sliding his hand down until their fingers were twisted together. "We have to stop meeting like this, literally running into each other." The older boy smiled. "Too cliche for me."_ _ _

___Luke almost didn't hear what Ashton had said, he was too focused in his hand in the other boy's. It was real; Ashton was real; whatever they had going on was real._ _ _

___Okay, so he had overreacted a little bit, but whatever._ _ _

___As Ashton led Luke by the hand back into the library, he looked over his shoulder and asked, "You look pale, Luke, are you okay?"_ _ _

___He nodded, not trusting his voice to cooperate and stay even, and shivered as Ashton pressed a chaste kiss to his neck. Ashton sat down at his table and pulled Luke into the seat next to him, pushing his feet between Luke's._ _ _

___"You'll never believe this video we watched in health class, it was so eye opening-" Luke listened as Ashton talked and talked about a video on why gender equality needs to be a part of society, why the fight against sexism needs to become a household discussion because gender roles needed to be eliminated-but all he heard was the passion in Ashton's voice._ _ _

___Luke realized that he could listen to Ashton talk for hours on end, catching the rise and falls of his tone, watching his lips work with his tongue to form letters and words, being distracted by his wild hand movements. His eyes shone with such excitement and fervor, he looked so devoted to changing the world to making it perfect._ _ _

___"What are you thinking?" the older boy asked, snapping Luke out of his head._ _ _

___He looked up at Ashton, who was smiling softly, adoration filling his eyes. “Nothing, it’s nothing.”_ _ _

___The older boy reached across the table and took Luke’s smaller hand in his own gigantic one. Humming, he began to absent-mindedly trace a circle over the back of his hand, his eyes focused on the table._ _ _

___“Luke, what’s the worst thing you’ve done?” Ashton asked quietly, lifting his eyes to briefly meet his._ _ _

_Where had this come from?_ “I’ve never done anything that bad?" he said after a moment of thinking. "I don’t know, I’m a pretty good kid, I guess.” 

___“C’mon, you can think of something.”_ _ _

___“Well, okay, when I was, um, six or seven, my mum, she bought this super antique, thousands-of-year-old vase, right? She told me specifically then, when she got it to be careful and not to run around the house by it because it was so fragile, right? Well, me being me, I guess, as soon as she wasn’t home a few days later when Ben took me home from school, I was running around the house. And ran right by the vase. And knocked it over. Ben and Jack-they were both still home then-they came running in and started yelling and fighting, and I was so upset. I thought my mum was going to actually kill me-no joke, literally murder me._ _ _

___“So, okay, I-I ran away. I just ran out the door, and Ben and Jack didn’t notice right then, I guess, because I made it all the way to this park before I started hearing them calling for me. I was hiding under this slide at the park, right? It was like my favorite place. I would never play when we went to the park, I would just sit under that slide. Anyways, I was probably there for an hour before my mum showed up. She knew exactly where I was, you know, knew I loved that slide. At this point, I was a sobbing mess, my nose running like crazy, my clothes all muddy and dirty, and what she did, she just climbed under the slide with me and sat next to me for a while. Then, all she said was ‘I’m not mad at you,’ and I just fell apart, practically collapsing into her lap, sobbing like crazy. She took me home and just tucked me into bed, and she never brought it up again. I was never punished or anything, she just, like, forgot about this amazing vase she had spent so much money on._ _ _

___“Of course, years later, Jack told me that it was just a replica and Mum had told us all that it was real so we would at least _try_ to be more cautious around it.”_ _ _

___By the end of Luke’s story, Ashton was laughing, his eyes crinkling in the corner. “That is so adorable,” he said between laughs, his voice slightly high-pitched._ _ _

___“What about you?” the younger boy asked. “What’s the worst thing you’ve done?”_ _ _

___Ashton’s laughter died down, and he smiled at the boy slightly. “Worst thing? Wow, there are so many. They’re all stories for later, anyways.”_ _ _

___It was a different smile, Luke realized, the one he was giving him. It was his fake smile._ _ _

___He was hiding something._ _ _

___“No, I told you, you have to tell me, now.”_ _ _

___"It's-uh, a really long one-"_ _ _

___"Ash, we have like twenty minutes left of lunch. Come on, you can tell me."_ _ _

___The older boy frowned, dropping his fake smile then, and letting out a sigh as he squeezed Luke’s hand tightly. “I went to a different middle school than most of the people here. I met everybody during my freshman year, mostly at parties and stuff, but between eighth grade and the start of high school, I changed a lot. In middle school, I didn’t talk to a lot of people, mostly kept to myself. I didn’t even try to make friends, so most people just knew to avoid talking to me. I didn’t do any of my school work, I spent lunch in the bathroom hiding from everybody, I tried as hard as I could to hide from everybody-students, teachers, anybody. My mum didn’t know why her son who had once been so happy and excited when he was younger was suddenly so depressed and quiet all the time. She tried, she really did, but I just kept getting worse and worse._ _ _

___“Of course, during middle school was also the time I found out that I liked guys, so when that secret came out, I got my 15 minutes of fame from my classmates. You know middle schoolers, they can be brutal and insensitive, most of them didn’t even understand what ‘gay’ actually meant. They just knew that if somebody was gay, you had to make fun of them or else you’d be made fun of. And I became that kid in eighth grade._ _ _

___“There was this guy in my class, his name was Jacob. We were best friends when we were younger, hung out at each other’s house all the time, shared video games, all the typical stuff kids did when they were seven. But when middle school started, we didn’t have any classes together so we weren’t that close of friends anymore. It’s not like we hated each other or anything-he just made other friends, he became part of the ‘popular crowd’ and I faded into the background, I guess. Anyways, I realized that when I had lost that friendship with him, I started to get really upset, and it was-was unhealthy in the amount of sadness I felt when he wasn’t my friend. Sixth grade, I was just sad, but when everybody started to date other people and I learned about sex and heard all those dirty jokes in the hallways, I figured out that Jacob was always the person I wanted to kiss and do all those things they talked about in movies with. I wanted him, but he wasn’t my friend anymore and we never talked so I couldn’t ever have him._ _ _

___“I spent those first two and half years wishing I could have Jacob all to myself and knowing I never could, and then one day, a girl named Riley started to befriend me. She was part of that ‘popular crowd’ and I thought that if I was friend with her, I could become friends with Jacob again, so I let her take me under my wing. She became my best friend, I guess. We told each other everything, I even spent the night at her house a few times. I’m sure she didn’t understand why I could be around her so much without trying to grab her boobs, so it really shocked her when she found out that I liked Jacob. Riley was upset-apparently she had liked me-so she told the whole school about me, made up stories that I stalked Jacob and masturbated to his picture and all this crazy shit that everybody believed, including Jacob._ _ _

___“He hated me because people started to call him gay, so he began to spread rumors about me, too, but he included other guys and then those other guys got mad at me because they were also being accused of being gay. I basically had the whole entire male eighth grade population mad at me, and they all bullied me. First it was just pushing me in the hallways and tripping me when I walked to my desk in class, but things started escalating. They called me all these things and left notes on my desk and all this dumb shit. One time they put pictures of gay porn all over my locker, and I got in-school suspension for a week. They used to throw condoms at me and then yell that they were sorry because I wouldn’t need them anyways. After school, they would try to beat me up, but I always tried to stay with a teacher until my mum came to pick me up._ _ _

___“But all through his, Jacob never actually said or did anything to me. Or at least until a rumor came out that he had given me a blow job behind the bleachers. The day after I had heard that, he called me a faggot when I walked by him in the hallway. I-I lost it then, I was just so sick of it all, I turned around and grabbed him by the shirt and threw him to the ground. I tried to get down and pin him, but I was a scrawny kid back then and he’d hit puberty in seventh grade, so he easily got on me, started punching me and calling me all these slurs. His friends joined in, kicking me while he kept hitting me, until a teacher finally saw what was happening and stopped it. We all went to the office, but I was bleeding a lot-my nose was broken-so when my mum showed up, I went to the emergency room to get checked out._ _ _

___“I had a broken nose, black eye, split lip, and a lot of bruising, but nothing really that serious. My mum told me when we got home that I had gotten expelled, and when I asked what Jacob got, she said he was only suspended for three days. She tried to ask me what happened, but I wouldn’t tell her, didn’t want her to find out about me this way. Now that I think about it though, I’m sure she always knew that I maybe wasn’t straight and what the fight had started about. But anyways, we packed up and moved into the city to finish middle school and then start high school. I guess I got better, I don’t know why. Everybody knows I’m gay, they knew as soon as I started, and they just-they all accepted me so I guess I was able to be more comfortable here. It’s easier, not having to hide that secret, but all these years have passed and Jacob is still the closest friend I’ve had since then.”_ _ _

___Luke wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react to Ashton’s story, but he was losing feeling in his hand that was being gripped by the older boy. He reached over, prying Ashton’s fingers away and placing his hand between Luke’s two, massaging his thumb into his knuckles._ _ _

___“Now you know,” the older boy said quietly, his voice back to normal._ _ _

___They didn’t say much for the rest of lunch, just sat there in silence, their hands together, their feet together. When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, neither of them initially moved. After a minute or so, Ashton pulled back to collect his backpack. Still holding hands, they left the library and turned towards Luke’s classroom._ _ _

___Luke didn’t want to let go, instead burying himself into Ashton’s warm arms, pulling him close by the hips. “I’m not gonna say I’m sorry,” Luke said quietly. “But just know that I think you are the strongest person I know, Ash.”_ _ _

___The hazel-eyed boy nodded, his lips brushing over his jaw and then his mouth. He mumbled Luke’ name against his skin, sending shivers across his body. How could he just go to class after that story, how could he ever want to leave Ashton’s arms?_ _ _

___Ashton kissed Luke softly on the lips, pulling back shortly (they were standing in the middle of the hallway after all) and smiling at him before turning around to walk back. Luke waited a good minute until after he was gone to resume breathing. He wanted to run after Ashton, wanted to cry on his shoulder, tell him how much he loved him and that he should never have to go through any of that again._ _ _

___But he didn’t understand. How could this Ashton that he knew be the same Ashton that had hidden his sexuality and never talked to anybody at school? How could he have gone from being depressed as he described he was to being happy like he was when he was with Luke? How could he hide his past for so long? How had Luke become a part of this?_ _ _

___The tardy bell finally rang, startling Luke out of his thoughts, and he turned to enter his classroom. He searched for his guitar, but as soon as he finished tuning, he knew that no matter how into the music he got, he wouldn’t be able to get Ashton out of his head. He set the guitar down and looked for sheet music, pretending to work on writing, but really just thinking about Ashton. After what seemed like only a minute, the bell rang and the rest of the students started leaving the classroom. Quickly, Luke shoved the sheet music in his backpack and put his guitar back in it’s place before rushing off to English._ _ _

___The rest of the day passed by with a blur; he wasn’t even sure what his class did in English and his conversation with Michael during seventh period seemed like a dream. He was pretty sure he told Michael that he’d be at practice tomorrow afternoon and that he’d be spending the night, but he had no idea, honestly. Sometime during the last ten minutes, he received a note from the teacher._ _ _

_meet by the library after school_

___Michael asked what it was about, and for a short second Luke was considering lying to his friend again, but then he changed his mind and said, “Ashton wants to meet after school.”_ _ _

___Raising his eyebrows, he asked, “How are things going between you guys?”_ _ _

___“Um, it’s good, I guess.”_ _ _

___“Good? That’s it? Good?”_ _ _

___Luke shrugged his shoulders, turning his eyes away from Michael’s stare. “What else do you want me to say?”_ _ _

___“Oh, I don’t know, Luke. Nevermind, forget I even asked.”_ _ _

___A tense minute passed between them, Michael focused on scrawling notes from a textbook onto a worksheet for chemistry. “You’re mad,” Luke said quietly._ _ _

___“No.” He met the younger boy’s eyes for a second, then said, “Yes.” Luke opened his mouth to say something, but Michael beat him to it. “You haven’t told Cal and me anything. Are you guys dating? What do you two do during lunch? Is this a serious relationship or just a ‘friends with benefits’ thing? You guys have obviously sneaking around for what-2 weeks?"_ _ _

___“Mikey, I don’t even know what is going on, okay? I have no idea. We haven’t, like, talked about what we are, what we aren’t, or anything like that really. And we do don't 'sneak around' either."_ _ _

___“Have you guys fucked?”_ _ _

___“Michael…”_ _ _

___He glared at Luke, setting his pencil down. “Come on, I have a right to know if my best friend is still a virgin or not.”_ _ _

___“No, okay? We haven’t had sex.” _Well, it’s half true.__ _ _

___“Would you?”_ _ _

___“Would I what? Have sex with him?” Michael nodded. “I’m not going to answer that question.”_ _ _

___“So you would, then?”_ _ _

___“No! Listen, Michael, I don’t understand what is going on, but if I did, you and Cal would be the first people to know. I swear."_ _ _

___The bell finally rang before the other boy could say anything else, and Luke escaped, saying sorry to Michael as he rushed to the library. Leaning by the wall was Ashton, his phone in his hand, typing a message. When Luke approached, he looked up and locked his phone, sliding it back in his pocket. He reached for Luke’s hand, stepping close for a chaste kiss before bringing his lips to his ear._ _ _

___Tickling his ear, Ashton said, “My family won’t be home until tomorrow night.” He pulled away, searching Luke’s face._ _ _

Confused, the younger boy stared back at him. _What does he-oh, he wants me to come over? Why does it feel different though? He means something else. He wouldn't be smiling like that if he didn't._ Before Luke could rethink his decision, he nodded his head. Ashton broke into a smile, starting to lead the younger boy outside. 

___All Luke could think about was not tripping over his feet as Ashton walked him to his old blue Corolla in the student parking lot, unlocked the passenger door and gestured for Luke to get in. He slid into the seat, as Ashton got into the driver side and turned the car on. After throwing his backpack in the back seat, the older boy put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot._ _ _

___While Ashton drove to his house, a ride now very familiar to him, Luke texted his mum, saying that he was staying over at Michael’s and that he’d be back tomorrow, to which she replied with “have fun :)” He felt bad about lying to his mum, but it’s not like he could have told her that he was actually going over to the house of a senior she had never met so they could make out and probably fuck later._ _ _

___He stared out the window, hoping that watching other cars drive by would help settle his heart, but it didn’t. His fingers were pulsing, his stomach was fluttering, his hands were sweating. Nothing was working to calm him down, and all he could think about was the conversation he’d had with Michael during seventh period._ _ _

_Would I have sex with Ashton? Well, obviously I’m not in a car with him currently driving to his empty house so we can kiss a little and cuddle on the couch for a while. The way Ashton's voice sounded when he asked, combined with what we had done this morning was enough to know that this wasn't going to be like our usual trips to his house. But am I really going to go through with this or am I going to back out halfway through and disappoint Ashton? What if he kicks me out because I said I’d do stuff with him that I didn’t mean? What if all Ashton really wants is a “friend with benefits” thing?_

Luke knew he should really figure out where their status stood, but he couldn’t focus on anything because Ashton’s car smelled so much like him: musky yet sweet. Before Luke could work up the courage to get the words _Ashton are we dating or are we just fuck buddies_? out, the older boy turned off the main road and onto a residential street. He slowed down, coming to a complete stop on the side of the curb in front of his house. 

___Ashton smiled at Luke before reaching into the back seat and grabbing his bag. He opened the door, quickly climbing out as Luke unbuckled his seatbelt and got out himself. Ashton reached for his hand and smiling, started pulling him towards the front door. Luke wished he could be as happy and excited as Ashton was, but all he could think about was why he was doing this and if it was the right thing._ _ _

___Before he could decide, Ashton had unlocked the front door and was leading Luke inside. Once the door was closed, Ashton pressed Luke up against it, lying his lips onto his as he wove a hand into Luke's blonde fringe. The younger boy responded wrapping his arms around Ashton's lower back and opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. Ashton didn't seem to notice how sweaty and shaky Luke's hands were as he reached up to hold his jaw._ _ _

___The older boy broke apart only long enough to begin to pull Luke down a hallway, stepping through a doorway and into a bedroom: Ashton's. The first thing Luke always noticed was how perfectly neat and organized it looked, exactly what Luke had been expecting from somebody like Ashton. There wasn't any discarded clothes lying around like in his own room, and the bed was even made. Lining the walls were band posters, all artists Luke himself loved and listened to. A rack next to his bed held hundreds all old-fashioned records and newer cds. Somehow, the last thing Luke had noticed the first time they had came into his room was the drum kit in the corner._ _ _

___Dragging him towards the bed, Ashton laid Luke down before straddling over him. He was kissing Luke and it was intense and hungry and fast and nice and amazing, but the younger boy still felt like he was being torn in two._ _ _

___Part of him didn't want to say anything, knowing he might change Ashton's mind about what they were going to do. But the other part of him knew that this would ruin whatever relationship they had if they did this too early._ _ _

___Wrapping his hands around Ashton's shoulders so they'd stop shaking, Luke quietly mumbled against his lips, "Ashton, I..."_ _ _

___He pulled back, looking at Luke through his eyelashes. "What is it, Luke?" His voice was soft and gentle, almost protective._ _ _

___"What are we-I don't know if..." he voiced died out as the words got caught in his throat. How could he say this?_ _ _

Ashton immediately pulled away, crawling off Luke, who was quickly turning red and wanting to lay on the floor and cry. The older boy reached out to touch Luke's cheek, but he refused to meet those hazel eyes. He was ruining everything, like always. _Fuck, why am I making a big deal out of this?_

___"Luke..." Ashton was trying to get him to look, but Luke wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop himself from falling apart if he looked at him. "Talk to me, c'mon."_ _ _

___His nerves were getting the better of him, making his words stutter as he said, "Is-is this r-right?"_ _ _

___"We don't have to do anything you don't want to, Luke." Ashton reached for him, running his thumb across his cheek. "Okay? I still mean it now when I say I'm not gonna pressure you to do anything."_ _ _

___Luke nodded slightly, still not meeting his eyes. He could trust, Ashton. Of course he could. He would never take advantage of Luke, he knew that. But why did he still feel uneasy about the whole thing? "Ash, w-what are we?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper._ _ _

___"What do you mean?"_ _ _

___The younger boy sat up, wrapping his arms around his legs as he pulled his knees to his chest. Balled up, he felt insecure and insignificant. "Us? Are we like... dating? Or am I just-just another guy you can fuck?"_ _ _

Ashton's hand hesitated on his cheek, pulling back. _Great, now I made him upset. Why couldn't I have just left this alone, why couldn't I have-_

"Look at me," Ashton said, his voice now deep and commanding, but Luke still refused. He felt a hand grip his chin, pressing into his skin. The older boy turned his face towards him, forcing him to meet his eyes. "You are not like those other guys, Luke. They were all people I didn't know, people I wouldn't ever wanna know. I only hooked up with them because I was depressed and upset and needed to block out my thoughts, okay? You and me? We aren't hooking up, we aren't going to fuck. We're _dating_ and we're going to have _sex_. There's a difference, Luke, I swear. Does that make sense? You aren't just another guy." 

___Ashton pressed a chaste kiss to Luke's lips, still holding his chin. "Just tell me what you're okay with."_ _ _

___"I-I don't know what I'm..."_ _ _

___He met the younger boy's eyes, touching his forehead together. "You've never done anything?" Luke shook his head, knowing he wouldn't be able to trust his voice. "It's okay, I'll help you."_ _ _

___When Ashton started kissing Luke again, his lips were moving slower than before, just as intensely but without the haste. He tangled his fingers through Luke's hair again as he gently pushed him back down onto the bed and straddled him, keeping his hips in the air above Luke. After a moment, Ashton pressed his one of his hands against the younger boy's shoulders to balance himself as he opened his mouth, inviting Luke farther in. At first hesitant, the younger boy held back until Ashton pressed harder and started to hum inside his mouth._ _ _

___Ashton sighed as Luke finally pushed his tongue inside his mouth, letting his body lower until he was completely on top of Luke, their bodies touching everywhere. Their kiss was growing impossibly deep, and it took Luke a moment before he realized that soft moans were escaping his lips. He blushed red, glad that Ashton was distracted enough with snaking his hands between their bodies. Warm fingertips traced over his stomach through his shirt, heading further down until they skimmed over exposed skin between the hems of his shirt and jeans. Ashton started to push up his shirt, further and further up until he broke apart to pull it over his head._ _ _

Self-consciousness filled his head, but Ashton smiled, whispering _“beautiful”_ against Luke's skin. He peeled off his own shirt, returning his lips to Luke's neck. Biting softly, he sucked at the skin for a minute before sliding his lips further down Luke's body: across his neck, his collarbone, his chest, his stomach, and finally stopping just before the top of his jeans. 

___Looking up, Ashton waited for Luke to nod a confirmation before undoing the button and zipper. Luke gripped the sheets beneath him as Ashton pulled his jeans all the way off, waiting for the older boy to bring his lips back to his cold and clammy skin; instead the older boy worked on taking Luke's boxers off, dropping them to the ground once they were past his feet. Before he could register any embarrassment, Ashton grabbed his length and quickly pumped his hand up and down. A loud moan escaped Luke’s lips and he was once again blushing red, but Ashton was too concentrated on rubbing his nose along his hips as he left gentle kisses to notice._ _ _

___He was already hard, already leaking precome, already twiching in Ashton’s calloused hands. He felt the tingling in his lower stomach, but he tried to hold it back, knowing now that he wanted to go farther than a handjob tonight. Sometime between being fully clothed and being fully naked, Luke had decided that Ashton was real, Ashton was somebody he could trust, Ashton would be the one that showed him how do all these things he had no idea about._ _ _

___He wanted to tell the older boy about all the affection he felt for him, but Ashton, his head still near Luke’s hips, was holding his fingers up to him. “Suck 'em,” he explained in a rough voice._ _ _

Luke bit his tongue from asking _why_ after realizing what Ashton wanted to do. He took his fingers into his mouth, running his tongue between the three fingers, trying to spread around as much saliva as possible. Ashton smiled at him, almost proud, as he took his fingers out and brought them back towards Luke’s dick. 

___“This might hurt a little,” Ashton said, his voice trying to stay soft. “You just have to relax and it’ll feel better.”_ _ _

Luke nodded, letting him know that he was ready. And the thing was, he thought he was ready for Ashton’s fingers ( _it couldn’t hurt that much, right?_ ), but as soon as Ashton was one knuckled deep with two fingers, Luke felt pain. He bit his tongue, letting out a whimper instead of a full-blown cry. Clenching his eyes and his jaw, he felt Ashton start to pull out, but he reached out for the older boy, crying, “No, no, _please_ , I’m okay.” 

Fingers wound themselves with Luke’s as Ashton pushed another knuckle in, and the only thing that held back his moan was squeezing that hand. The pain was so intense, he felt like his skin was on fire, but he wanted more, needed more of Ashton inside him. “D-do something, Ash, _fuck_ , please,” he muttered, his breaths coming out in short hisses. 

___“You need to relax more, baby,” Ashton cooed, rubbing a thumb over the knuckle in his hand, despite Luke’s grip. “Don’t want to hurt you.”_ _ _

___Luke tried to do as he said, focusing on how soft Ashton’s voice sounded even in their current situation. He thought back to that first time he noticed the older boy actually seeing him, that dumb smile he’d given him after that first note landed on his desk. He remembered how cute Luke had thought he looked when he had his tongue sticking out of his mouth a little that first day at lunch. Relaxing, he let his mind fill with thoughts about Ashton from the years he’d spent suffering from a distance, wishing that he was his. Those two years were some of the most stressful, but they held so many fond memories of seeing Ashton, too, that they were enough for him to loosen his grip on the sheets and lay flat against the bed again, only his hips in the air for Ashton. His breaths evened out, finally getting oxygen to the rest of his body and he started to feel his fingers again._ _ _

___When Ashton separated his fingers inside Luke, starting to scissor them, he took the feeling with a loud moan, calling out the older boy’s name in such a filthy way. But he wasn’t ashamed anymore; no, he wanted this, he wanted more, he wanted it all. While alternating between pumping and scissoring, Ashton kept muttering encouragements to Luke, telling him how beautiful he looked, how good he was doing, and Luke took them all with a small shred of pride, happy that he was making Ashton happy just by being with him like this._ _ _

The older boy kept going, pushing farther and farther into him, but Luke wasn’t sure what he was hoping to do. It felt great of course, but it was as if Ashton was _reaching_ for something, frustrated with each pump when he didn’t reach it. Luke was tempted to ask, and was about to when he felt something _touch_ inside him. The feeling was indescribable; it was intense pressure and sweetness and probably the most sensual thing Luke had ever felt in his life. This time, he couldn’t hold back yelling out Ashton’s name, followed by several curse words as Ashton beamed up at him. He reached for the spot again, hitting harder and harder each time, causing Luke to buck his hips up. His breathing was uneven again as they continued, each time feeling his walls clench around Ashton’s fingers before finally the older boy began to slow down his movements. 

___Luke was a complete mess by the time Ashton pulled his fingers all the way out, but he perked up enough to catch his lips in a chaste kiss. Ashton leaned over Luke, his smile never fading as he reached across to the nightstand and returned with a small packet and bottle. Looking at Luke, Ashton laid a hand across his stomach, rubbing small circle into his pale skin. “It’s your choice what you want to do.”_ _ _

___Never before had he been so sure of anything in his life. He nodded back to Ashton, saying, “A-all the way, Ash.”_ _ _

___He couldn’t ignore the look of pure happiness Ashton had when he said that, and smiled to himself as the older boy undid his pants and pulled them off, followed by his boxers. Now unclothed, Luke could finally admire Ashton as he straddled over him, bending down to kiss him, their erections pushing between their stomachs. Ashton broke off the kiss abruptly, smirking slightly as he crawled down towards Luke’s hips._ _ _

___He pumped himself a few short times, making sure he was hard enough, before ripping open the condom wrapper and rolling it over his length. Opening the bottle of lube, he spread a small dollop on his fingers and rubbed them over Luke’s hole after bending his legs at the knee. Ashton spread more lube over his length and got on his knees, ready to line up with Luke’s hole._ _ _

___Gently, Ashton asked, "Ready, baby?"_ _ _

___Luke nodded, keeping eye contact with Ashton as he pushed inside him, filling up the whole space. A hand reached out to grip his hip, pressing a thumb into the bone hard enough to leave a bruise. Ashton stayed still for a minute, letting Luke get used to the feeling, and leaned down to kiss his lips lightly. The younger boy squirmed a little, feeling ready, and bucked his hips up more. That was all Ashton needed to begin moving._ _ _

___Hardly able to keep back another loud moan, Luke tried to stay conscious as Ashton started grinding his hips into Luke. The sound of skin slapping against skin was enough for Luke to realize that this was actually happening, he was actually losing his virginity right this very second._ _ _

___And to a boy he'd probably end up falling in love with nonetheless._ _ _

___Ashton's rhythm was speeding up as he continued to lower and raise himself into Luke, each time making him feel like his world was exploding in the most intimate way possible. He never wanted this to stop, never wanted Ashton to leave his body. He couldn't imagine anything ever feeling this good._ _ _

Until Ashton pressed farther and farther in with each grind and finally reached _that spot_ again. He barely brushed it the first time, but Luke's moan was enough to let him know that it was the right spot. He grinded harder and harder and Luke wasn't sure how much he could take before he came. 

___Ashton must've seen whatever expression was on his face because as he continued to brush against Luke's prostate, he used one of his hands to grab Luke'a swollen cock. Matching the rhythm of his hand to his hips, Ashton quietly instructed, "You can come, baby, s’alright."_ _ _

___Luke didn't need to be told another time, so he let his stomach uncoil and released onto their stomachs, Ashton grinding into him the whole time. As he reached his peak, he heard Ashton moan, something so deep and rough Luke thought he'd be able to come again just by the sound. Ashton, still deep inside Luke, came, riding out his high with his hips pressing down into Luke's forcefully, their lips crashing against each other sloppily._ _ _

___They both came down, breathing hard, and Ashton reached up to brush his nose against Luke’s before pulling out. He rolled the used condom off and disposed of it as he went to the bathroom while Luke stared at the ceiling, waiting for the world to stop spinning. Ashton returned a minute later, a wet washcloth in hand, and leaned over Luke. While giving him soft kisses over his lips and jaw, Ashton wiped his own stomach and then Luke's. He returned the washcloth to the bathroom and pulled his boxers on when he walked back into his room, handing Luke his own._ _ _

___Ashton laid down next to Luke on the small bed, threading their fingers together by their sides. Absently, Ashton rubbed a circle into the back of Luke's hand as they laid quietly. After a while, Luke felt his eyes starting to slide shut, and he let Ashton turn him onto his side. Bending his knees, he tangled his feet with the older boy's and pressed his back to his chest._ _ _

___Ashton was rubbing his nose along the back of Luke's shoulders when he said, "I'm glad you got detention."_ _ _

___He mumbled back, "I'm glad you pissed off the nicest teacher at our school."_ _ _

___They laughed and Luke was able to fall asleep with warm breath ghosting across his cheek and mirth filling his lungs with every breath he took._ _ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weyhey cute short dumb epilogue :-) ~~finally im so sick of having to post each chapter i want this done i will never do this again~~
> 
> thank you to people who have left kudos and stuff :-))) ily all ~~not mariah bc she just threatened to not take me to warped tour~~
> 
> :-)

Luke woke up, his eyes trained on the window looking out at the large tree in the backyard, a sight he'd grown quite familiar with over the past 4 months.

He rolled onto his back, finally noticing the lack of arms around him. _No wonder I'm cold_ , he thought to himself as he sat up and wrapped the blanket laid across him around his shoulders. Luke padded quietly over to the open window, leaning out and looking up to see bare feet hanging over the edge of the roof. He reached up, poking at the bottom of one of the feet and a second later, a smile and hazel eyes looked down at him.

Ashton reached a hand over as Luke crawled out and stood out on the ledge. Effortlessly, the older boy pulled him up to roof and let him sit on the edge next to him. An arm wrapped around his side, resting on his hip and pulling Luke closer. He fit his head into the gap of Ashton's shoulder as he glanced at his lap to see a notebook filled with Ashton's swirly handwriting.

The first time Luke had woken up alone in Ashton's room, he'd nearly had a panic attack, thinking Ashton hated him after they had just had sex for the first time. He'd sat in the bed, curled up and practically in tears, too scared to leave, for only a few minutes before Ashton came slithering in through the window, notebook in hand. Luke was, to say the least, happy to see Ashton, tackling him with a hug and pulling him back to the bed. Ashton had laughed it off, but Luke knew that he'd seen how relieved he looked when Ashton had returned.

After that, Luke felt better waking up and not finding Ashton in bed. He'd check out the window to see if his feet were there, and then usually leave him alone, returning to the bed and only waking again when Ashton crawled back in next to him.

But tonight felt different; Luke felt different. He didn't want to lose a second with Ashton, knowing he was going to lose thousands of seconds soon.

Tomorrow, Ashton was graduating and immediately leaving for university. In Adelaide, 14 hours away. So tonight had been particularly special, but there had been an undertone of _last_ -ness. Luke knew he would see Ashton a bunch still-he'd promised to come visit on most weekends and Skype him all the time-but it was still a different feeling to be riding out a high when the room was empty except for a few last minute boxes.

He didn't want the night to end, didn't want to have to go back to school on monday and not see Ashton in the hallways, not sit with him at the table in the.courtyard with Michael and Calum (who would be holding hands under the table where they thought nobody could see) sitting across from them, not skip class to meet Ashton in the bathroom to make out for a few minutes, not ride in his car after school to band practice or back to Ashton's house to watch bad movies, not fall asleep in his warm bed after sometimes just cuddling and sometimes going farther and exploring new boundaries.

That was just another thing Luke had Ashton to thank for; when they met, Luke hadn't known anything about anything when it came to sex. But as they spent more nights together, he learned more, and together, they memorized every inch of each other's body, discovering new things they both liked and vetoing others. Once a severely self-conscious, Luke became a more confident person, something he would be forever grateful to Ashton for.

All in all, Luke wasn't sure how well he was going to cope without Ashton.

"Are you scared?" Luke asked Ashton quietly after they had laid down on the roof of his house, their feet brushing each other as they kicked at the air. He wasn’t sure if he meant for graduation tomorrow or just growing up in general, but he still wanted to know.

"Terrified," the older boy whispered back.

"What if you trip tomorrow?"

"I'll make sure it gets recorded." They laughed, both thinking back to that day in detention.

Another moment of silence passed before Luke quietly spoke, "Ash?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Can I read what you were writing?"

Ashton reached for the notebook now laying on his stomach and handed it to Luke, who sat up and began skimming for the start. He looked down at Ashton and saw his eyes closed softly. "Out loud?" Still not lifting his eyelids, Ashton nodded and Luke began reading.

_“When you look out to the sky, on a cloudy night or a hazy night or a clear night, you know there are millions upon millions of stars. Each one was born from light and each one dies in a burst of light. But in between birth and death is the part that matters._

_“Each star starts off as a single one, learning on its own, usually with the help of others, but out there are other stars to meet._

_“Sometimes, stars stay separate, just going about its life with its only intention being lighting up empty space. But sometimes, stars crash into each other, sometimes they come into each other's lives and neither of them are ever the same. In a short time, they have changed enough so that they can't imagine not having each other all to themselves. They revolve around each other, create their own system. Everybody thinks they're just one extra bright celestial body; but both of them know that they are more than that. They are part of each other now, they will never be the same without the other._

_“I had always thought I would be one of those singular stars, never even dreaming of having another person to rely on; but I never realized that all it would take is one person to change my mind, to make me believe that I could have somebody all to myself and know that neither of us can leave our system, neither can escape our gravity."_

Luke finished reading, setting the notebook down on his lap and looking back at Ashton. The older boy's eyes were closed, his hands lying folded on his stomach, a soft smile carved on his tanned face. Leaning down, Luke softly kissed his lips before whispering, "I think I love you."

"I know."

Luke smacked his arm playfully as Ashton laughed, opening his eyes. "Say you love me back, asshole!"

The older boy pulled Luke down over him, putting both hands around his neck and saying, "I _know_ I love you."

(Ashton's mum was only mildly surprised when her neighbor called the next morning to inform her that two boys were sleeping in each other's arm on her roof. She let them be for another hour before calling them down.)

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr cluffords :-)))


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